00;00;00;00 - 00;00;34;07 Before we begin. This episode contains references to commerce... I guess. There is no mystery here at all. Listener discretion is, I don't know, not needed. A note to our investigators. This Alchemy Investigations episode contains a paid advertisement from Bird Song Limited, a subsidiary of Grave Inspire. We've Tech Enterprises, LLC. All rights reserved. Brace yourselves. 00;00;34;09 - 00;01;10;02 Coming soon. Soon, soon. To beautiful Holliver Island. Island, island. Stow your fears and ready your ears - it’s Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Strompp facilitates Alastair Bastion Presents the Bi-Annual Big Bad Bard Battle of the Bands developed by BirdSong LTD – a subsidiary of GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC – all rights reserved. That’s right! This year’s bard battle is back, bigger, and barder than ever – with hungry new leadership. Killer new acts. Band merch that is just to die for. And a closing night party that will literally take your breath away. 00;01;10;02 - 00;01;36;13 You might literally asphyxiate. On the mainstage – we have Diraxus and The Hideous Fiddlers, Chimney Staccato, Hobnail Bee and a dance-till-drop cavort and caper contest judged by none other than Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Strompp herself. Side stage acts include the Galaxy Marsh’s Cavalcade of the Delightfully Atypical and Dungbat the insult comedy sprite – all kicked off by Patty Blacksmith’s orc-core punk band The HungerHulks 00;01;36;15 - 00;02;06;02 They're playing brand new and unreleased tunes from their newest drop. These songs are a warning and not songs at all. Only a few tickets remain for this year’s unbelievable extravaganza! So grab them while they’re hot, pack your bags, and sashay on over to the unfathomably remote Holliver Island, just north of Ingramassa Bay for a brand new interpretation of this ancient favorite: Ms Madame Chicoree Von Strompp facilitates Alastair Bastion Presents the Bi-Annual Big Bad Bard Battle of the Bands developed by BirdSong LTD 00;02;06;02 - 00;02;16;26 – a subsidiary of GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC – all rights reserved. Be there or live a safe and pointless life. 00;02;16;29 - 00;02;40;21 Oh boy. This time on Alchemy Investigations, we don't actually have a mystery. I'm contractually obligated to express that nobody is in danger, and I've been informed by my superiors strongly that it is in our best interest to use our platform to engage our audience. Cultivating a spirit of excitement for this year's Ms Madame Chicoree Von Strompp facilitates Alastair 00;02;40;21 - 00;03;04;27 Bastion Presents the Bi-Annual Big Bad Bard Battle of the Bands developed by BirdSong LTD – a subsidiary of GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC – all rights reserved. You know what I'm just going to say bard battle moving forward. Probably Ms. Chicoree, too, because that is a mouthful. Regardless, there is absolutely no mystery here and I am certain that it will be fun and not at all dangerous an experience. 00;03;04;29 - 00;03;25;27 I am happy to talk about some of the acts who will grace the stage at the bard battle, and about how this year's festival is unlike all those which have come before it. We'll talk about the legendary festival's founder, Alastair Bastion, and his recent retirement. Sudden and surprising as it was, and we'll break down his contributions to the field of merrymaking and anthropological sound art. 00;03;26;00 - 00;03;55;08 Then we'll look very closely at Bastion’s successor, the enchanting and enrapturing Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Stromp. Finally, in addition to the copy I have been handed, I personally reached out to Patty Blacksmith, drummer for The HungerHulks, to ask how attendees can best prepare to enjoy and survive this year's concert. Plus, Patty will break the silence surrounding The Hunger Hulk's secretive upcoming album and talk about their bold, new experimental sonic direction. 00;03;55;11 - 00;04;11;19 Stay to the end for an exclusive sneak peek at some of Patty's newest lyrics from songs like their soon to be hit fear Voices from Mouths You Cannot See. Stay tuned. Investigators. 00;04;11;22 - 00;04;39;07 Greetings, investigators. With you again is Ichabod M. Groster lead dispatch for Alchemy Investigations. The realm's foremost private investigator body. And as I mentioned in the opening, tonight is all about synergy, not mystery about the beautiful and remote. Holliver Island, though it does go by other names in other tongues about sharing our excitement and our platform, departing from the usual work of solving the unsolvable and preventing unspeakable wrongdoing, harm, death, and planar collapse. 00;04;39;09 - 00;05;02;00 Instead, I very much would like to speak about how great certain popular musical acts are, and what a feat it is to get them all in one place at the same time. Listen, you said I had to talk about it. You didn't say. It can be a little snarky. We start, of course, with Alastair Bastian himself, a name which needs absolutely no introduction, but I am contractually obligated to give one. 00;05;02;03 - 00;05;23;15 While the story is that surround Alastair Bastian's early years are either apocryphal, confounding, or bound by mortal pacts of silence, one thing is clear his iconic voice always preceded him loudly and quite literally. In his prime, he could be heard from miles around, possibly due to a mishap with an amplification incantation he experienced as a child. But who's to believe every story they hear? 00;05;23;20 - 00;05;55;20 Listen, dear investigator, you know Alastair Bastian. You know his story. But for the sake of synergy, I'm going to hit the highlights. Bastian was one half of the now revered duo Alastair and Imoen, who song Paz Infuria is one of the only musical numbers to have actually stopped an imminent war. He served as the artistic ambassador to The Plane of Unrelenting Noise, and is credited with the first documented subtitle, encore to say that Alastair Bastian is a musical legend is to say that water is wet and the sea is vengeful. 00;05;55;23 - 00;06;29;25 Alastair Bastian is music and has been the voice of a generation for ten generations. Bastian is a great solo act, for sure, but he also plays nicely with others from the aforementioned Alastair and Imoen to his time with the immortal Magnus Vox. Think of the most important and influential band you can possibly imagine. You are thinking of Magnus Vox and various side projects including Gypsum Ramp, Dr. Ulical’s Musical Terrarium and Orchestra for Lost Souls, and his most recent, though unfortunately abandoned project – the Ravenous Stiltscas. 00;06;29;27 - 00;06;54;17 If you don't know Alastair from his music, you definitely know him from the headlines. Whether it's for his on again, off again love affair and or collaborations and or legal entanglements with Patty Blacksmiths, drummer for The HungerHulks, or his seemingly inconceivably life altering house parties. Alastair is a person that people talk about and with good cause. He's a philanthropist, a cultural icon, a scholar. 00;06;54;17 - 00;07;28;26 In fact, not three years ago, the Intercollegiate Bardic Council ICBARC awarded Alastair Bastian their highest honor, the Golden Piccolo, for his work on the socio biological underpinnings in service of. And I'm quoting here, atonal and anechoic sentience. What that means. I have no idea. Maybe one of you can tell me. So, dear investigator, if you have been living under a rock nestled under many other rocks for the past many centuries, you now know that Alastair Bastion was and is synonymous with music, merriment, and all the best the arts have to offer. 00;07;29;03 - 00;07;59;14 If you were 1/100 as cool as Alastair Bastion, you would be the coolest person you have ever met. But beyond the wars he has stopped, lovers he's taken, parties he's thrown, and musical catalog he's sired. In the modern era, Alastair Bastion is best known for his music festival. For 200 years, Mr. Bastion produced and organized the biannual big bad bard battle of the bands, holding 99 of the best concerts in recorded memory. 00;07;59;19 - 00;08;28;07 These events are cultural touchstones for the cultured community and have given rise to countless musical acts, including Four Red Pixies, the Tundra Caverns, and Unintended Warlock Consequences. The Bard Battle has also borne witness to other cultural highlights including the surprise wedding of Cat Writness to the Duke of Plithroy, the public meltdown and breakup of Johann McGovern’s band: the Eternal Johann McGovern’s Project FOREVER, and not one, but three surprise reunions of the dwarven supergroup: RockMelt, with an umlaut. 00;08;28;10 - 00;08;54;09 The concert is always several days of living life to the fullest. As Alastair Bastion said himself at the start of the 31st Bard Battle, let this be a place where things happen. Let's keep no secrets live, no lies die, no deaths and hear the music as if we ourselves were singing it. Every other year, in the warmest season, the big event returns in a wildly new locale. 00;08;54;11 - 00;09;18;29 Once it was in the mouth of an erupting volcano, Mount Hexxpa, protected by magical wards. Once it was hosted by the court of the Queen of dreams and the price of admission was a year of sleepless nights, Alastair was, and certainly remains, thoughtful and groundbreaking. He is, as most bards agree, the best of us. But even the best song must have a final stanza. 00;09;19;01 - 00;09;51;22 And it became known late last year that Mr. Bastion, after making a research trip to the Southern Cross region of Wysalt and Besdin -- well Mr. Bastion was losing his famous voice. As reported by close friends and former bandmates, Alastair was keeping his spirits up, reminding us all that you don't need a mouth to make music. But it was clear that Alastair Bastion mourned his former self and then quickly, without fanfare, Alastair Bastion retired from public life, just half a year shy of what would have been his 100th Bard battle. 00;09;51;24 - 00;10;25;14 And while no one can begrudge Mr. Bastion his due retirement, to leave such a cultural institution without a proper steward did not seem right. Okay. And then, in a dark hour, when all hope seemed lost, a new voice cut through the darkness to welcome the next generation to the stage light. We here at Alchemy Investigations are thrilled to share this statement on behalf of Ms Madame Chicoree Von Stromp, BirdSong LTD, and GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC. 00;10;25;17 - 00;10;56;16 All rights reserved. Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Stromp While her love and talent can be felt so strongly, it is if time herself could be cut in twain do marking a time before Ms. Chicoree and after her arrival on the scene was but a scant few months ago. Hailing from the arid wastes, Ms. Chicoree was an orphan and a refugee from the Veldic Conflict, which saw the fall of the Wysalt dynasty. 00;10;56;18 - 00;11;37;24 Finding herself without kith and without kin. Alone in the desert, she wandered, learning music from the stirring winds and dance from the swirling heavens above. She was lost as we all are. That is, of course, until she had her first vision, or so her publicist writes. One night, as she a pilgrim in the desert, laid down her veiled head to sleep, Ms. Chicoree saw a dying ember, trying in vain to stay alight, she saw the visage of a man whom she would come to know as Alastair Bastian. 00;11;37;26 - 00;12;07;10 Unable to perform, unable to share his gifts, she did not know this man. She did not know about Alastair Bastian presents the bi annual Big Bad Bard Battle of the bands. She saw an ending and so she mourned. Ms. Chicoree mourned for a man and for a cause she did not know. So brave alone under the desert sky. 00;12;07;12 - 00;12;46;11 But then the muses granted her an encore. She heard hundreds of thousands of voices raised again in joy and elation. The once fading ember reignited and spreading bodies moving as if by some unseen connection, bringing together all people with the ability and the desire to express themselves. She saw musicians and artist and merchandise opportunities and synergy. Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Stromp saw the future. 00;12;46;14 - 00;13;35;03 She saw Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Stormp facilitates Alastair Bastian presents the bi annual Big Bad Bard Battle of the bands, developed by Birdsong Limited, a subsidiary of Grave Inspire weave tech Enterprises, LLC. All rights reserved. Making her pilgrimage to the ailing Alastair Bastian guided by vision and Song, Ms. Chicoree convinced the aging star to pass the torch to her and to the next generation to save the Bard battle to find connection or “sing-ergy” as she so succinctly puts it in her release, Ms. Chicoree has reimagined this perennial favorite as a hub for art, commerce, and spectacle. 00;13;35;06 - 00;14;07;22 I would have to believe that she made quite the case for Mr. Bastian to permit this radical change, but all sources seem to indicate that Ms. Chicoree is, and I cannot stress this enough, unnaturally convincing. And considering that this year's Bard battles marketing press kits include Alastair Bastian's signature voice inviting concert goers to Holliver Island, I would have to believe that he is either on board or was given enough money to sound like he is, but what of this year's Bard battle? 00;14;07;22 - 00;14;48;14 But what of this year’s Bard Battle? With a newfound partnership in GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC and the aforementioned sing-ergy (gods…), Ms. Chicoree promises the 100th event be the bestbattle of the bard’s yet. But What makes it so different? Who will be in attendance? And what great surprises can be speculated? All that and more after the break. And for those of you who stay to the very end, there will be an exclusive interview with Patty Blacksmith where she will share her top 5 must-brings to this year’s concert. Stay tuned Investigators. I promise it'll be worth it. 00;14;48;16 - 00;15;14;14 This episode of Alchemy Investigations is brought to you by. Wait, are we doing an ad within an ad? No. I mean, this whole debacle is already kind of an advert.... Okay, okay. This episode of Alchemy Investigations is brought to you by the Dover Pinion Cartographical Society. Now including subscriptions, services to extra- inter- intra- and inner-planar transport navigation for you and all of your traveling companions. 00;15;14;14 - 00;15;34;04 As the society's founder, Yvonne Mamaroneck reminds us all, only the dead need no map. Does anyone know how to write a threatening commercial? I mean, I can't be the only one who sees this, right? Are they selling maps or is this just a threat? And now back to our episode. 00;15;34;06 - 00;15;59;04 Welcome back, investigators again. As a reminder, instead of tackling a mystery this time, we would like to divert our considerable time and attention to focus on that upcoming concert and just how great we've been told it will be. That concert, of course, is Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Stromp facilitates Alastair Bastion Presents the Bi-Annual Big Bad Bard Battle of the Bands developed by BirdSong LTD – a subsidiary of GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC and it is happening very soon on Holliver Island. 00;15;59;10 - 00;16;20;12 In preparation for just how transformative this event will be, I would like to share several of the acts which are slated to perform some of the activities in which concert goers can plan to participate, as well as some of the fine merchants who will be selling bard battle specific merchandise in a limited one time only merch drop available for purchase during this milestone concert event extravaganza, and never again thereafter. 00;16;20;14 - 00;16;44;01 Let us, dear investigators, begin with some of the musical acts that we can expect to engage with at this centesimal event. Forget your favorite song, dear Media Mystery Affiliate Listener. Wait, were we supposed to change that live? Oh well, for your old favorite song, will be dead to you, sounding paltry and hollow in your ears and heart. At this year's Ms. Madame Chicoree, Von Stromp facilitates Alastair Bastian presents the bi annual big Bad bard battle. 00;16;44;02 - 00;17;17;09 of the bands, developed by Birdsong Limited, a subsidiary of GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC you will discover your new favorite song. We are particularly excited by this up and coming act. Perk up your ears for The Druid Groove, an all-sylvan run woods-core trance group. Fresh off their sold out “Leaf It Behind You” tour of the Southwestern Hinterland region, this trio of nymphs is famed for bringing up a member of the audience on stage during their sets, and casting spells and incantations which permit said concert goer to perform the band’s catalog flawlessly -- serving as the ever rotating and evergreen (their words) 00;17;17;09 - 00;17;38;01 Fourth member of the group known for undeniably catchy tunes like caps Off the Toadstool and Morning Dew Code Red, this jam band plays long sets that fizzle and fade like shooting stars across an endless sea. Catch them in competition on the main stage. Also in competition on the main stage, we have an up and coming act from the suburbs of NuGoria 00;17;38;04 - 00;17;58;11 Though she may stand at only three feet, this gnomish powerhouse can spit bars faster than a hasted ocelax. It's the Bard College radio darling LuteFoot with songs like “Gnolling and Profiling,” and her debut wax cylinder EP “Oi Cunning,” Lutefoot will be joined by the Imgrassa Bay daycare children’s choir for a – hopefully cleaned up version of the hit B-side, 00;17;58;11 - 00;18;06;07 “F U Phylactame!” Gods willing, she will take some of the swear words out. 00;18;06;09 - 00;18;34;19 Again on the competition mainstage, but only a night we hope to sense the presence of “Wrecking Ectoplasm”. The all ghostly ska band known for their spirited frontman Screeching B an undead spirit trapped in the body of a Gothic marionette who coverts around the stage with a terrifying energy and presence. I can't say for sure, but it's a safe bet that they'll pump up the crowd with their indulgent rendition of “Slobber Sovereign”, a direct aural assault against the general concept of the establishment, governmental control and the flesh prisons we know as corporeal forms. 00;18;34;21 - 00;18;59;12 Rounding out the bard Battles competition line up, Bird Song Limited would like to make special note of an extra special appearance by Barron Priest, the up and coming pop starlet from Ms. Chicoree’s own label, Bird Song Limited. Ms. Chicoree produced Barron's breakthrough EP, I am not an Industry plant. I am the whole indus-tree and tree is spelled like tree like Arbor, which Bird Song Limited would like me to remind you, is very clever. 00;18;59;14 - 00;19;23;08 Barron Priest will be joined on stage by a series of necromancers and sages who intend to summon the spirit of Alastair Bastian's former partner, Imoen, to serve both as backing vocals and signify the importance of this 100th bard battle that has to be in bad taste, right? Like who? Who allowed that? Who signed off on that? Were there meetings? 00;19;23;11 - 00;19;51;11 Not in competition because it would clearly wreck the curve. But as mentioned earlier, the HungerHulks, backed by the spine breaking drumbeats of Patty Blacksmith will be closing out the first night with a non-competition after party exhibition performance. They will be playing new songs from their much anticipated upcoming release, dedicated to Alastair Bastian himself, entitled. These songs are a warning and not songs at all, an album held so close to the chest that I doubt even Ms. Chicoree has heard it. In conversation with Bass 00;19;51;11 - 00;20;23;26 Note Quarterly, Ms.Blacksmith offered the following public statement about their impending performance. Quote, everyone at the concert in the audience is like in a kind of danger, a prison. It's a threat. And maybe they don't see it, but they hear it. And our new album, which we will debut at the concert, is going to be a prison break or a die trying kind of thing, the kind of last ditch effort one makes when their backs are up against the wall. 00;20;24;22 - 00;20;28;05 00;20;28;07 - 00;20;50;02 Beyond the scheduled lineup, GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC would also like to remind fans of the impending “Find Your Voice” open stage opportunity brought to you in part by Summoner’s Choice Detection Charms. This exciting, audience-facing stage experience presents the rare opportunity for you – yes you, the person listening to this right now, to share your gifts with the realm 00;20;50;02 - 00;21;20;11 and, should those gifts prove impressive enough, be granted a one-way ticket to compete in the battle of the bards itself. [reading] Because GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC believes that talent can be found in all walks of life. To whit, their relentless talent scouts are always on the hunt for fresh sound and new flesh and have partnered with Summoner’s Choice to give you and your fellow dreamers a chance to sparkle. 00;21;20;11 - 00;21;45;17 If you are a solo or group act, sign up at the main gate to book a slot at the Find Your Voice open stage event. If you can impress the judges, you won't just be at the battle of the bards, you'll be in it. In addition to the open stage, GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC has partnered with Loot and Lyre – a bespoke, mission driven subscription service for temporary musical enchantments to present the first annual dance-till-drop cavort and caper contest 00;21;45;17 - 00;22;08;23 Judged by none other than Ms. Madame Chicoree von strop or representative of her team, this heart pounding competition of gyration and ambulation will test the boundaries of what your mortal frame is capable of. The last dancer standing on the first night of the competition bard Battle will win a private viewing box right next to Ms. Chicoree aboard her famed TacetHaus flying observation deck, an airship for the entirety of the bard battle. 00;22;08;23 - 00;22;19;24 That's right. You heard me. A small fleet of VIP airships will hover above the main inside stages, giving those with the means the best view in the house. 00;22;19;26 - 00;22;48;10 Finally, we have a first ever for the bard battle, a brand new idea for a new generation of concert goers. Well, previous years have been a strictly experience based affair, offering absolutely no opportunity for fans to purchase merchandise associated with their favorite bards. This year reinvents that idea for the modern era. A short list of the most cutting edge and dynamic merchants from far and wide have been invited to the Bard Battle to share their artisan and mercantile skills. 00;22;48;13 - 00;23;13;15 This allows for the purchase of any number of branded pauldron, tunic, chemise, and boot. As GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC’s senior undersecretary of synergy commerce system dynamics reminds us: wearing your favorite bard on a shirt is the absolute best way to let someone know that you are, in fact, a fan of that particular bard. Really? That is really what it says in this press release. 00;23;13;15 - 00;23;43;24 Those words. I did not edit them. Those words. Beyond looking cool, purchasing merchandise from an official event vendor will actually help your favorite Bard or Bard band compete in the head to head competition. As you probably know, every year after extravagant nights of ladder style competitive barding, a winner of the competition is crowned. This happens in brackets over the course of multiple evenings, so 16 acts become eight, become four, become 2 or 3, and a winner is then named. 00;23;44;01 - 00;24;09;11 Sometimes it's a few more to start, sometimes it's a few less, and the winner of each bracket is determined by applause. But this year, band merch will be taken into account, so you can theoretically buy applause with coin. However you might feel about that. Ms. Chicoree has assured her “Chicaedas” Sure. That this is the future of music, and that, and I quote, you cannot fight the future. 00;24;09;18 - 00;24;32;04 We here at Alchemy Investigations reached out to representatives of GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC to get a response to some fan reactions to this new merchandise schema. When asked what they thought of the sentiment, “it used to be about the bards, not about the money” we received only – “how dare you speak to us.” Fair. 00;24;32;06 - 00;24;52;00 Normally, this would be the part of the episode where I would discuss theories about the mystery at hand, and I would pose away that you, my dear investigator, could solve this crisis with cutting words or cutting blades. But unfortunately, that's not what we're going to do here today. There is no mystery. There's nothing to solve. I have been specifically assured of this. 00;24;52;02 - 00;25;13;17 There is just a phenomenal opportunity for a lot of excited, probably young music fans, to willingly travel to a remote island location with warding incantations against external communication and transportation for a few days, of letting their guard down and staying up too late to be alone in the middle of the sea with absolutely no exit. That seems like a great time. 00;25;13;17 - 00;25;42;19 one that we here at Alchemy Investigations are very excited for. We sincerely hope that ONE OR MORE OF OUR AVID INVESTIGATORS are able to get tickets and GO TO HOLLIVER ISLAND to HELP ALL OF THE CONCERT-GOERS have a great time at the bard battle. Now finally, to celebrate and reward our listeners who have made it this far and to fulfill my final responsibility to this corporate partner. 00;25;42;19 - 00;26;05;29 The first Alchemy Investigations Investigator team that arrives on all of our island will receive free passes to this year's Bard Battle. So in the words of this press release, tune up your instruments, raise your voice, gyrate your mortal form, and release your spirit. Get yourself to Holliver Island for a time so good it will feel like your last. 00;26;06;01 - 00;26;28;00 Now that I have completed my contractual compulsions, and while I am still bound by the rigors of a notable companywide non-disclosure charm spell, I would like to end this podcast with some excerpts from personal correspondence with the one the only Patty Blacksmith. Not to name drop, but Patty and I go way back. Not as far as she and Alastair do, but far enough to where I still think she'll answer some of my letters. 00;26;28;02 - 00;26;49;06 I thought it was important to share some of our most recent exchange with you, dear investigator, because Patty has always had a way to speak the truth, even when those around her were bound by corporate responsibility. When asked why she and the HungerHulks decided to play the first bard battle without Alastair at the helm, she had the following to say. 00;26;49;08 - 00;27;12;16 I'm honestly surprised we were asked. I don't think we're really Ms. Chicoree’s taste, especially our new stuff. But why we agreed? Well, I just had a feeling that we would need to be there this year for the music and for the fans and for Alastair. I think it goes back to my mother. She was a famed monster hunter back in the day, and I suppose you can say that sort of thing, that sixth sense, it's in my blood. 00;27;12;19 - 00;27;29;08 And this year's Bard battle is going to be a real monster of a show. When asked about how her own musical tastes have changed over the years. Well, you know, I used to be a classically trained singer. I suppose I still am, but the thing about making traditionally beautiful music is that you end up sounding like everyone else. 00;27;29;10 - 00;27;48;13 When you make it ugly, you make it your own. And now nobody sounds like The HungerHulks, and nobody can take that sound from us. That's how you make something new. You take something traditionally beautiful and you sing ugly at it. This is what she has to say about their new album. We wrote it specifically for Alastair and for this concert. 00;27;48;16 - 00;28;10;13 I guess it came from watching our friend decline and change so quickly. I know he'll be there. He's the special guest and all, in Chicoree’s TacetHaus thing, but I've been told not to get my hopes up on seeing them. So our plan is to do our thing, to get on stage and play real loud and real true. Even if Chicoree doesn't like it, Alastair might hear it and know he still has friends out there. 00;28;10;15 - 00;28;34;04 I asked her what five things a person should bring to this year's Bard battle. Cunning, a best friend, distrust, rope, and a willingness to do violence. And finally, dear investigator, I pressed my luck a bit and tried to get a little more information on The Hunger Hawks new LP. And as it would happen, generosity smiled upon me. So with no further ado, here are some leaked lyrics from The HungerHulks new album. 00;28;34;04 - 00;28;52;24 “These songs are a warning and not songs at all”. Songs that you can absolutely here at full volume at this year's Bard Battle. This track is called I Hate Your New Girlfriend and I think she's sucking out your soul. And I don't know, it just has a great hook to it. You took his voice career and made him disappear. 00;28;52;24 - 00;29;27;01 And like a ghost, he remains silent, chained and near, A monster in diamonds bleeds him at night, He dies in shadow, she lives in the spotlight. Get her! Get her! Get her! Get her! Get her!” Anyway, I'm sure it doesn't really mean anything. Music is subjective and ephemeral. Have a great time at the concert. Thank you for listening to tonight's episode of Alchemy Investigations, where we have celebrated the amazing work of Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Stromp and teased the amazing experiences in store for you at the perfectly safe and exciting Ms. Madame Chicoree Von Stromp. 00;29;27;01 - 00;29;48;10 facilitates Alastair Bastion Presents the Bi-Annual Big Bad Bard Battle of the Bands developed by BirdSong LTD – a subsidiary of GravenSpire WeaveTech Enterprises LLC – all rights reserved. For now, this has been Ichabod M. Groster for Alchemy Investigations. Farewell Investigators, and rock on. 00;29;48;13 - 00;30;13;28 Alchemy investigations is produced at Else Break Labs and is hosted by Ichabod M Groster. This episode and its related materials are released with absolutely no warranty nor support, and are distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution noncommercial share alike 4.0 international license. If you are interested in learning more about tonight's mystery or want to explore others, please click the link in the description or visit us at our website. 00;30;14;00 - 00;30;40;26 alchemyinvestigations.com. There, Ichabod will explain the resolution of this particular scenario and offer tips on how it might be run as a tabletop role playing game, one shot, or as part of a larger campaign in your next game night. Tonight's story all names, characters, and incidents therein are works of fiction. No identification with actual persons, living or deceased places, structures, ideals, and or products is intended, nor should be inferred. 00;30;40;29 - 00;31;12;29 Alchemy investigations is supremely thankful to our wide network of correspondence Investigators like Sweet William, Bard of Bestpun for his primary source research on musical cryptids and ICBARC president, Laura Kaibar for unfettered access to ICBARC’s historical records concerning Alastair Bastion’s time in the Wyslat region. And of course, thanks to you, dear investigators, stay well and stay curious. This transcript may contain small inconsistencies. If you encounter one and would like to report it to be corrected in subsequent updates, please contact us at ichabodmgroster@gmail.com Alchemy Investigation and its related materials are offered with absolutely no warranty nor support and are distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution - NonCommercial - ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-NC-SA 4.0).