00;00;00;00 - 00;00;16;13 Before we begin. This episode contains references to conspiracy, dismemberment, murder, claustrophobia, child endangerment, and viscera. Listener discretion is requested. 00;00;16;15 - 00;00;40;16 Out beyond the southern plateau, past Barnard's Riffle, the river valley gives way to the bonnie and charming coastal town of Loresely Cove. Though it does go by other names and other tongues, Loresely sits atop a small bluff and overlooks the Suchyann Inlet. It's one of those quaint, hearty places where you can smell the sea air and stroll on an uncrowded boardwalk while flavored taffies gets stuck in your teeth. 00;00;40;19 - 00;01;04;27 The site was originally a watch keep, but its battlefield days are now long since over. Instead, it caters to vacationers, retirees, and quirky visitors. As a very specific kind of crowd pleaser, Loresely Cove is lovely. Don't get me wrong, but it's by no means a resort. In fact, the reason it is such a consistent draw for many has little to do with the beach or the surf or the sun. 00;01;04;27 - 00;01;37;21 And in fact, everything to do with a barber. The barber does not cut hair nor remove cavities. It is instead a famed and fabled monster that reportedly dwells in the semi flooded cave system beneath the cove. Since well before Loresely's reported history, stories of the barber have been told and retold. They paint the creature as a reclusive people eater, hungrily consuming wayward spelunkers who make wrong turns in the coves labyrinthine underground passages with massive, razor sharp teeth. 00;01;37;23 - 00;01;59;21 That's actually where the name comes from. In Loresely, if you need a tooth yanked, you'd see a barber, not a doctor or cleric. So when the locals began to tell campfire stories about this monstrous underground carnivore, they called it the barber as it had quote, all the teeth. Yikes. Just for the record. Over time, the legend shifted. It moved from a lurking mortal threat to a practical nuisance. 00;01;59;21 - 00;02;28;15 The barber was blamed for gnawing on buildings which had actually been damaged in bad weather, or for strange noises at the water's edge that woke sleeping children. The sort of eat your vegetables or the barber will come to call kind of monster the useful kind. In the modern era, the barber serves as an unofficial mascot for Loresely, with cartoonish depictions of a hairy, fish like monster replete with big smile and white smock adorning just about any tunic or cap one can imagine. On the Loresely boardwalk, 00;02;28;16 - 00;02;50;27 Tourists can find the Loresely Loose Tooth Confectioners who serve a regional saltwater delicacy, and in the south of town, they can stay at the Sweet Dreams Inn, which has one of the softest beds I have ever had the pleasure of waking up in. May we all live in a world where the fiercest of our local and personal monsters can be made into a collectible, plush and cuddled under soft duvets. 00;02;50;29 - 00;03;17;24 Maybe at some point in Loresely’s history, there was a persistent monster below the town. Or maybe someone mistook a walrus at the mouth of one of the caves and doubled down on a mistake when they were questioned. Or maybe someone just made it up because legends are fun. And who doesn't like a cozy cryptid? According to our research, despite the depth of the legend, there has not been one murder nor assault that can be directly linked to any kind of subterranean monster, natural or unnatural. 00;03;17;24 - 00;03;44;25 In the Loresely region within the last 600 years. And at the risk of sounding dismissive, the barber is a first class tourist attraction and a last place threat. That is, until last month. Three bodies, two locals and a vacationer were found ripped asunder at the mouth of Lady Diana's smile. A well known cave entrance. And while I would be quick to dismiss this as a generic crime tragic. 00;03;44;25 - 00;04;20;05 Completely but reasonable, two bits of detail give me pause. First was the fact that each of the victims were missing substantial sections of their arms, torso, and midsection, consistent with the kinds of injuries you would see in a shark attack or a bite from a large predator. And secondly, and more damningly were the hulking, bloody footprints that were found by the local constable, leading from the victim's back to the cave system imprinted in the sand at low tide. 00;04;20;07 - 00;04;39;27 This time on Alchemy Investigations, we explore the Loresely Barber, a fun and kitschy local myth that seems to have gruesomely dismembered at least three people in the dead of night, a pretty high body count for a mascot. Despite the near certainty that many of the townsfolk bear when pointing fingers at the barber, things may not be exactly what they seem. 00;04;40;00 - 00;05;05;02 From a first hand account of a near-fatal caving encounter to a large and controversial construction project now in jeopardy to a pirate queen and perhaps the wrath of her vengeful spirit. The stakes in Loresely Cove are high, and nobody knows just how deep the cave system really goes. But at the bottom of it all, like a festering cavity, I fear we will find the real barber ready to see us. 00;05;05;04 - 00;05;37;10 Walk ins welcome, Investigators. Stay tuned. Greetings, investigators with you again as Ichabod M. Groster, lead dispatch for Alchemy Investigations. The realm's foremost private investigator body. Tonight, we're going to discuss the murderers at Loresely Cove, which occurred about a month ago. As of this recording, and before we begin in earnest, I must make a small disclaimer. It would be easy to immediately attribute this misfortune to the local cryptid, the Loresely Barber, and leave it at that. 00;05;37;13 - 00;06;01;06 In fact, recent reporting from our colleagues at the FoxGlove Forensics podcast has done just that. It does appear to be pretty cut and dry. A monster with a large mouth and three victims with large mouth shaped holes. But we at Alchemy Investigations believe that doing so without proper investigation does a great disservice to the hapless victims of this terrible misfortune. 00;06;01;08 - 00;06;30;09 At the end of our search, we may indeed find a horrible and hungry person eater. But to be sure, the investigation is crucial. Susette and Carolee Pearlman, both local to Loresely and John Calif Crusee, a visitor from the Bachtell Kingdom were found brutally killed on the sandy beach outside Lady Diana's Smile -- an oft visited cave that is only accessible at low tide on the east end of the cove itself. 00;06;30;12 - 00;07;01;25 The cave entrance is so named after Lady Diana Suchyann -- a famous former resident of Loresely, and the fact that its stalagmites and stalactites make the cave opening look a bit like a smile. On the night in question, tt seems that Mr. Califf Crusee hired the Pearlman sisters as guides for a nighttime excursion to the cave system. According to the locals, there are several bioluminescent sprites that nest near that particular cave entrance, and to see them under the stars is apparently quite the vision. 00;07;01;28 - 00;07;26;00 According to witnesses, around midnight the trio left the local tavern, the Loresely Barber and Grill, and made the 30 or so minute trek out of town and down the coves embankment to where the cave had been revealed at low tide. This is a trip that hundreds of visitors make every year. It's common and until now generally seen as perfectly safe, with the exception of a sprained ankle. 00;07;26;00 - 00;07;54;00 While making your way down the embankment. But for the Pearlman sisters and for Mr. Kelly's crusade, little did they know this excursion would be their last. The next time anyone saw the three would be sightseers was a few hours later when the good constable, Roland Hammerstrike just happened to be guiding some local surveyors to the East beach, and noted some very unsubtle scavenger birds congregating at the cave entrance. 00;07;54;01 - 00;08;17;13 As the tide began to rise. Acting quickly, the constable was able to cast some wards to hold the tide off and preserve the scene. While it could be documented, and the dead could be treated with a modicum of respect. The Constable's Report was published in the next edition of the Loresely local paper, The Loresely Cove Courier, a warning to all members of the Loresely Cove community. 00;08;17;21 - 00;08;40;07 The bodies of three individuals have been recovered from the mouth of Lady Diana Smile. In yesterday's early morning hours. The victims, whose names will be released as soon as their families have been notified, were subject to substantial pre mortem violence consistent with large animal attacks. Until further notice. All visitation to Lady Diana’s Smile, Silly Bird Maw, and the Northern Cove Cave entrances is prohibited. 00;08;40;14 - 00;09;10;25 In addition, a substantial bounty of 100 gold has been offered by the town council and the Loresely Operational Architecture Management Group to be paid out if said information leads to the killer's capture. Be the person or beast. Thank you in advance. Constable Roland Hammerstrike. So to recap Loresely Cove is a sleepy coastal town propped up by kitschy, morbid tourism and famed for a humanoid eating cryptid that nobody above the age of ten really believes exists. 00;09;10;28 - 00;09;44;12 Well, that town sees three people murdered and nearly eaten in a very suspicious way, and the constable publishes a warning in the paper of record to attempt to stop people from visiting an active, mysterious crime scene. This, as you can probably tell, was a mistake. If the faint and cartoonish whimsy of the Loresely barber was enough to sustain a healthy tourism industry before the attack, real murderers and real bounties heated that draw to a morbid and terrifying boil. 00;09;44;15 - 00;10;20;13 The next day's issue of The Courier is what can only be described as a free for all of wild speculation, grotesque and dire accusations, and an utter disregard for the families of the Pearlman sisters and of John Calif Crusee. The identities of the victims had leaked, and the conjecture was both wild and tactless. We strongly debated sharing the staggering amount of op ed scuttlebutt with you, our dear investigators, and have decided to only share sections of what members of the Loresely community have contributed in so much as it will help us build some theories later on. 00;10;20;15 - 00;10;43;12 You are, of course, free to dig into the back issues of the courier yourself following the murder, but be warned, it's well, it's disheartening. Before we proceed further, I want to offer a kind word to the now former constable Roland Hammerstrike, who recently stepped down as lead lawman in Loresely for reasons that will become more apparent as we continue. 00;10;43;14 - 00;11;06;20 Roland's mother was Deirdre hammer Strike, the famed monster warden of the northern sky. Reach Deirdre, effectively wrote the book on the legalities of monster hunting and poaching, and she herself served as a counter poacher for nearly 50 years in the annals of civic protectors. Her name will be remembered long after I'm gone. To say that she was important to the field is a gross understatement. 00;11;06;20 - 00;11;31;14 So naturally, much was expected of her first born, Roland. But as it turns out, Roland was not really cut out for the rough and tumble life like his mother. And after bouncing around from precinct to precinct and patronage to patronage, Roland finally became the Constable of Loresely Cove, where the crime rate basically tops out at cats of trees and children, taking one too many free samples at the boardwalk candy shop. 00;11;31;16 - 00;11;56;29 So Roland was not prepared for this, and to expect a small town provincial sheriff to make all the right public relations moves in addition to an actual investigation. When real murder shows up at their door is maybe a lot to ask. So I implore you, dear, investigate her to spare some judgment before attacking Roland Hammerstrike’s character as many, many others have done. 00;11;57;02 - 00;12;25;19 We firmly believe that he was just doing his best. Returning now to the absolute kerfuffle that was the following day's Loresely Cove Courier, we find a submission from Mr. Palmer Urtecht the second, a so-called caving expert and self-described tourism entrepreneur who had previously worked with Susette and Carolee Pearlman. He wrote in to share his recent experiences in the cave system, claiming to have had firsthand evidence of the barber itself. 00;12;25;21 - 00;12;48;07 We have elected to offer his submission in its totality, as we believe it paints interesting portraits not only of the situation in the caves and the potential barber, but of Urtecht the second himself. He wrote, the barber is real. Really real. Actually real. I know we all pretend that it's fake because the rubber neckers come by and their gold just good as mine, I guess. 00;12;48;07 - 00;13;05;14 And people are less likely to buy a t shirt if there are real bodies in real graves. But the barber friend's dear friends is beneath our feet right now, and I don't know how any of you can sleep at night. While this is the case. Not. But a wheatday ago, I was taking some of those surveyors down to the caves beneath the construction site. 00;13;05;18 - 00;13;26;19 We went through the cove because it's easier and cheaper than Blastin or transmuting through the rock. So we're down there about 50 or so feet, and part of the caves that haven't been seen in a long time since maybe my great grandma was fishing the inlet and the surveyors go and do their thing. So I stay put with my gas lamp in my lunch, just me alone in one of those passages. 00;13;26;21 - 00;13;51;01 And that's when I hear it. A kind of blubbery scratching or scuttling, like when a walrus tries to get up on those slippery rocks, flesh moving on, wet, dripping stone. I think the sound was coming from behind me the way we came in. So I moved my lantern to get a better look. And, well, you know how sound is in a tunnel. 00;13;51;03 - 00;14;22;19 It gets behind you without you knowing it. That's when I felt it. I won't soon forget that moist breath on my neck. Cold. Not body warm, cold. I wasn't alone. It all happened so fast. But I turned and that's when I saw it. I saw the barber. I swear on whatever grave or symbol or anything you want. For a moment it was me and him. 00;14;22;22 - 00;14;51;17 Just gaslight, casting unholy shadows behind us both. The barber is big, maybe ten feet tall. It had to hunch in the tunnel. It's got these horns and spines and gray skin and a head like a dragon. And backwards facing legs like a goat. That's when it opened its mouth and the cold, wet breath got colder and wetter. And it was fixin to eat me. 00;14;51;19 - 00;15;08;23 I saw those teeth burned in my memory now huge and sharp, like the rakes we used to use to gather clams and cockles. And it opened its mouth wider. Its tongue slipped out like a sea snake. 00;15;08;26 - 00;15;29;00 But you know, us Urtechts -- we’re brave. I puffed up my chest real big, and I stood my ground. I said as loud as I could. No barber, I'm not getting eaten today. And I reared back my fist. I socked it good one time strong, and the thing ran off just like that. Just like my mom used to say. 00;15;29;00 - 00;15;58;05 You got to stand up to bullies. I only wish I could have told Sue and Carol about that, about how to scare off the barber. Maybe they'd still be around today, but, well, I just did not think about it. I didn't think anyone would believe me. Now I know better. So now I'm telling you. So if anyone out there wants to see the barber for themselves and get guided by someone who knows what they're doing, who's gone toe to claw with that thing, just come by. 00;15;58;05 - 00;16;38;25 Urtechts Excursions to on the boardwalk. I'll take you down there to where I saw the barber. And who knows, maybe you'll have a brush with adventure yourself. Ichabod. Here. Once again, these very reactionary letters were published just the day after the murders were announced. And the timeline is somewhat relevant here. From Mr. Utrecht, the seconds tale of self-reported bravery and flagrant self-promotion, we descend slightly further to a short piece written by Mrs. Molly Grackleson, the sole proprietor, historian, docent, tour guide, gift shop operator and owner of the Lady Diana Suchyann Museum and House of Antiquities. 00;16;38;28 - 00;17;03;25 The museum is located near the boardwalk towards the north of town, and is built to preserve the first home of Diana Suchyann a famed pirate and privateer. Captain Suchyann really only lived in Loresely for two months and was well since gone by her first birthday, but nonetheless, Molly Grackleson has worked tirelessly to maintain her memory and presence in the coastal community. 00;17;03;28 - 00;17;28;07 She writes: To my beloved Loresely family, I have been telling you, imploring you, begging you to stay away from the caves for what seems like my entire life. I have invited you and your neighbors and your children to learn more about Lady Diana Suchyann -- Captain of the dread ship Last delivery, first wife to the sea priest Arnulf and named agent of Thane Jules Everett. 00;17;28;13 - 00;18;01;06 Yes, that Jules Everett. I have made it explicitly clear that those are her caves, and to tread on them without due respect is to invite death. I don't mean to blame those poor victims, but here we are. Lady Suchyann was kind and compassionate, glorious, perfect in life. But her spirit is now angry. And more than that, disappointed. Disappointed that her first home, the place of her birth, would disregard her memories so readily. 00;18;01;09 - 00;18;21;27 Not to speak ill of the dead. But those girls brought it on themselves. There, I said it. The constable claims it was a late night tour, but the spirit of Lady Diana Suchyann sees what they were up to and she is disgusted. They showed nothing but disrespect for the good captain's living memory and paid the ultimate price. And what's more, now everyone in town is on about this barber. 00;18;21;27 - 00;18;50;02 Wake up dimwits. The barber is not real. There is no record. There is no proof. But Lady Diana Suchyann, Slayer of the greater demon, PoshuaMox was real. And her ghost is real and history is alive and her spirit is livid. And I am also livid. We are livid together. For those of you who wish to learn the correct way to live in Loresely Cove, a matter of behavior and respect, a return to the classical ways. 00;18;50;02 - 00;19;11;25 Before we became a laughing stock and sold out our history for a mascot and convention center before we invited big city contractors to ruin our quaint waterfront with gaudy hotels that would dare to further displace the memory of our founding hero. Before we become a complete joke, I would invite you to avail yourselves of a tour of the Lady Diana Suchyann Museum and House of Antiquities. 00;19;11;27 - 00;19;32;02 There you will find, for a modest, required donation, not only a gripping tale of the only privateer to complete the skull's arch trade run in less than six months, but a larger lesson on how to coexist with Lady Diana Suchyann’s revenant spirit and memory. My only wish is that those poor three souls had visited the museum before they set out on their folly. 00;19;32;07 - 00;19;52;12 They would surely still be with us today. The gods bless and keep them. Ichabod. Here again, a few things. First, there is absolutely 100% no indication that the Pearlman sisters were doing anything other than giving these Midnight Sprite tours, which is the only time of day that the tide reveals the cave entrance, and the sprites can be seen with the naked eye. 00;19;52;18 - 00;20;29;20 Mrs. Grackleson’s insinuations here are both completely unsupported and frankly trashy and gauche, I don't know what else to say. Speaking more to her own character than anything having to do with our three victims. Still, a stopped clock is right twice a day. I do want to explore two things she brings up. First is Captain Diana Suchyann. While wrong about almost everything else, Mrs. Grackleson is correct in her appreciation of this nautical notable, Captain Suchyann was in fact born in Loresely about 300 years ago and was, by all accounts historical and anecdotal, a phenomenal privateer, an adventurer. 00;20;29;22 - 00;20;52;05 She and the crew of her ship, The Last Delivery, terrorized the Horeal coast during the Veiled Cross Conflict and in so doing became wickedly powerful and obscenely wealthy. So wealthy, in fact, that the regional thane at the time had to amend the taxing and tithing codes to address her staggering purses. You know what they say gets so rich that they have to name a new tax law after you. Lady Diana 00;20;52;06 - 00;21;12;04 Suchyann is an important character in the region, a legend although demonized in the history books of the Horea nation. If you happen to be interested in a more balanced view of Suchyann's work, I would encourage you to read Archmage Ambrosia Zheng's seminal history The Exploits of Captain Suchyann and that of her crew in the Horea, Staves and Broken Sea campaigns. 00;21;12;07 - 00;21;38;11 I cannot attest to the accuracy nor immersion of Mrs. Grackleson’s exhibition, but given her op ed letter, I have sincere doubts. The second element of note in the letter is the bit about the hotel. You see, Loresely Cove is in a state of transition right now. Growth, many would say the region's Thane, Sia Shukla has given permission for a number of outside investors to form a construction and transmutation collaborative in Loresely Cove. 00;21;38;13 - 00;22;04;28 This group, known as the Loresely Operational Architecture and Management Group, or simply L.O.A.M., is developing a seaside inn, tavern, casino and convention center between the town center and the boardwalk. This massive construction project, which is being built on some old fairgrounds, has been extremely polarizing for the town's longtime residents and it broke ground not one week before the three bodies were found at the foot of Lady Diana's Smile. 00;22;05;00 - 00;22;37;28 Naturally, this has drawn no small amount of interest. In response to this, the L.O.A.M. group senior geomancer Mr. Jasper Hans-Olicruz released a statement following the flurry of editorials concerning the future of the proposed hotel complex on behalf of the Loresely Operational Architecture Management Group and its stakeholders. I would first like to offer our deepest sympathies to those involved in this terrible tragedy, their families and those who will remember them fondly. 00;22;38;00 - 00;23;08;19 At present, we are working with Constable Hammerstrike to ensure the area is safe for construction and tourism alike. Our development crews have seen no signs of any large predator, but to ensure their safety and the safety of our community, we intend to station armed automata guards within the tunnels as a measure of protection. For that reason, we must ask that any and all subterranean tourist excursions be halted temporarily until the land development has finished. 00;23;08;22 - 00;23;42;28 We at the L.O.A.M. Group, thank you all for your cooperation and look forward to celebrating the grand opening of the Cove Convention Center together as a community. Jasper Hans-Olicruz has been in Loresely Cove at the behest of Thane Shukla for a year. As of this recording, he is the driving force in the development of the L.O.A.M. Group and the Convention Center, which would include the Inn, the tavern and the casino, along with other amenities like an enchanted lazy River, dragonette Racing and Barber themed bumper boats which now seem in bad taste. 00;23;43;00 - 00;24;09;03 His editorial is curious for a number of reasons. He obviously wants Loresely citizens out of the cave system, but cannot spend too much time fear mongering, as it might cast a pall over the tourism draw of Loresely Cove itself, which he's betting on for the sake of the inn and casino. Mr. Hans-Olicruz has to walk a thin commerce friendly line, which is interesting to me thanks to something pointed out by one of our researchers. 00;24;09;05 - 00;24;32;29 We here at Alchemy Investigations are generally in favor of restorative justice. We believe that if someone is spared death and imprisoned for a crime upon their release, they should be treated with the same respect and dignity as anyone else. But the past is notable and of record. And 15 years ago, Mr. Hans-Olicruz was briefly imprisoned for his part in a gold vault heist. 00;24;32;29 - 00;25;02;07 He was, and most likely still remains, a talented transmutationist working largely with stone and soil. At the time, Mr. Hans-Olicriz was able to magically hollow out part of a mountain, which led to a dwarven Duchess's vault, allowing him and his team to rob said hoard. He was later caught by the Duchess's elite guard when he attempted to reseal the Mountain passage in an effort to hide the evidence of his crime, for the records of his incarceration are not publicly available. 00;25;02;07 - 00;25;28;10 Anecdotal reporting suggests that Mr. Hans-Olicruz was completely rehabilitated, and that his position at the L.O.A.M. group has everything to do with his talents in the mystic land arts and no further nefariousness. We simply bring this up because Mr. Hans-Olicruz's record is the focus of no small amount of derision from certain members of the community as emblematic of their distrust of him, L.O.A.M., and the ongoing construction project. 00;25;28;13 - 00;25;54;15 This is perhaps best represented by, of course, Mrs. Molly Grackleson, She writes: To my Loresely family, I cannot believe that you would be so willing to sell out the great and storied past of our community. Shame. Shame on all of you for letting these outsiders ruin our charm and our identity. Did you know that their construction plan includes demolishing the vacant lot near Second Street? 00;25;54;15 - 00;26;15;08 The very self-same lot which was once a field where it is said that the not but three month old Lady Diana Suchyann threw her first stone at a seagull, a precursor to the hundreds of cannonade shells she would fire in her long and storied career. How can we trade our past like this? And for what? More money, more slack jawed gawkers from the cities. 00;26;15;08 - 00;26;37;29 You know, the contract extends upwards and downwards, almost a mile. They're going to keep building and building up and up until we lose sight of our water. And dare I say it ourselves for shame. It is for this reason that I am posting a certified petition on the door of the Lady Diana Sychyann Museum and House of Antiquities, demanding that Mr. Han Solo, crews and the L.O.A.M. Group hire me, Mrs. Molly Grackleson on 00;26;37;29 - 00;27;02;14 As a historical sensitivity consultant, I encourage every loyal member of the community to sign it so we can keep some semblance of heritage while the ground falls beneath our very feet. Once again, just a paragon of wit and kindness, she strikes me as a very motivated woman. Safe to say that the petition did not make much of a difference in the construction continued and everything moved forward. 00;27;02;16 - 00;27;26;10 That is, until the bodies of the Pearlman's sisters and John Calif Crusee were found. But that, unfortunately, would not be the end of the trouble for the residents of Loresely Cove, because in an effort to make things a little safer, Constable Roland Hammerstrike would make them much, much worse. That and more. After a break. 00;27;26;12 - 00;27;58;20 This episode of Alchemy Investigations is brought to you by Tully's Transmogrifiers -- chaotic artifact upcycling, now in 15 major markets with pristine brick and mortar locations, our Transmutation and Enchantment specialists are waiting to assist you simply bring unwanted or unneeded adventuring items to our experts, pay a small labor surcharge, and watch in amazement as our associates recombine your useless trinkets in fabulous, unpredictable and unthinkable ways guaranteed to produce a brand new item for your use. 00;27;58;20 - 00;28;23;27 Abuse and misuse warning all transmogrification are permanent. No refunds or exchanges will be entertained nor accepted. A small chance of producing cursed artifacts is unlikely. However possible new item identification services are available for an additional fee. That's Tully's Transmogrifiers -- Where your adventuring trash becomes your adventuring treasure, now open in a major city near you. And now back to our episode. 00;28;24;00 - 00;28;59;12 Welcome back. Investigators. Well before the killings, Loresely Cove attracted a certain type of visitor morbid tourists or hopeless necromantics as they're sometimes called. These are individuals, probably listeners to this podcast, who are specifically interested in the cryptid beneath the town. They love a mystery. They have a red string board. Look in the mirror. It might be you. The mystery is what drew them to Loresely and these people seem to believe that the barber posed no real threat to them, but they enjoyed the theatrical aspect of danger. 00;28;59;14 - 00;29;26;16 The stories, the illusions of peril, and the performance of the macabre, a performance well embraced by Loresely itself. This is a community primed to welcome visitors to share in a cozy, gruesome ambiance. It's literally built for it. So when real crime happens, offering for perhaps the first time evidence that the fabled and nearly neutered cryptid is as dangerous as everyone was pretending it is. 00;29;26;16 - 00;29;53;18 Well, that rang the ghastly dinner bell. And you better believe that everyone came to see the barber for themselves. The week following the original three deaths, the total count of visitors to Loresely increased 762% above normal. The inns and taverns were bursting at the seams, people were camping out on the beach, and this attracted onlookers and tourists and even a few legitimate monster hunters from local guilds. 00;29;53;21 - 00;30;15;12 A critical mass bloomed in Loresely, and between all of the people and all of the dangers in the cave system, well, there stood Constable Roland Hammerstrike, doing his best. If you tell monster hunters, either real or amateur, not to go into the caves, because the local legend turned out to be real. Well, they're just going to want to go all the more. 00;30;15;14 - 00;30;49;08 This all came to a head when, after holding a joint press conference with representatives from the L.O.A.M. group imploring people to avoid the cave system and especially entrances like Lady Diana’s Smile, two teenagers, Bethany Sweeten and Jens Porcu, disappeared. According to their families, the two were meeting at the local library to study for an upcoming geography test, but after they did not return for almost two days, some of their classmates revealed that the two were in fact going into the caves to get better evidence of the Barber themselves. 00;30;49;10 - 00;31;10;09 As it turns out, an older classmate had dared them to do it, and being brave and somewhat cocksure as teenagers, the two young women headed into the cave through a smaller cave entrance called SillyBird Maw to the west of the town and haven't been seen from since. So a week after the three initial bodies were found, we see two additional losses. 00;31;10;12 - 00;31;34;12 Young kids vanished before they even had a chance to grow up. Jens and Bethany remain missing at the time of this recording, and given the amount of time that has passed, we fear the worst. A loss was felt throughout the community and the sentiment quickly turned to ire, which was almost universally directed at the constable. He was blamed for not doing enough to seal the cave entrances. 00;31;34;12 - 00;32;03;01 He was seen as a pawn of the L.O.A.M. group, and four days after Jens and Bethany were declared missing, Roland Hammerstrike notified the town council that he would be stepping down effective immediately, as there was nobody who was able to nor wished to fill the Constable shoes. Mr. Hans-Olicruz worked out a deal with Loresely Cove to share a few of his on site construction automata in a security capacity to deal with the town police matters as needed. 00;32;03;03 - 00;32;29;23 This may raise an eyebrow for you, dear investigator, as it raised mine. Private industry. Serving as municipal law enforcement. But it really does seem that nobody in Loresely Cove was in a position to step up. In reality, there were just too many entrances to the subterranean cave network to really patrol them all. And while wards and incantations have been put up since such things cost money and time and are hard to maintain. 00;32;29;25 - 00;32;52;16 The truth is, despite the missing and killed, and despite the warnings from above, people want to feel like heroes. They just want to see the monster for themselves and confront it and know that they confronted it. And so tourists and visitors and even some foolhardy Loresely Cove citizens who should know better have found their way beneath the town. 00;32;52;19 - 00;33;16;20 Some returned with wild and conflicting stories about the barber, who is at times 12ft tall and at times five feet tall, sometimes with birdlike talons and sometimes with scales. Sometimes the barber breathes poison, other times ice, other times it's dressed as a dentist. There are just about the same number of different detailed stories as there are trespassers, and each one swears that theirs is real and true. 00;33;16;23 - 00;33;44;02 Public records show that the L.O.A.M. group security teams are arresting and detaining these tourists and amateur crypto zoologists, but theirs is not a perfect record. And of course, there have been injuries, not even barber related ones. Remember, caves are dangerous and are host to any number of natural threats slippery rocks, underground waterways, huge falls, angry bats, loose rocks and that's not even to mention how easy it is to get lost. 00;33;44;05 - 00;34;09;07 As of the current count. Beyond the three initial deaths and the still missing teenage girls, there have been 35 individual reports of injury from illegal trespassing in the caves, three so serious that the injured parties died while on the surface. As the local cleric, one Youseff Brince, worked tirelessly to repair the damage. That, dear investigator, is the current state of the story in Loresely Cove. 00;34;09;09 - 00;34;36;17 We have a potential barber on the loose private security replacing the constable, droves of unprepared and ill equipped tourists throwing themselves at the cave entrances, and an unnervingly increasing number of people who either turn up injured or dead, or simply do not turn up at all. But fear not. We here at Alchemy Investigations have put together three theories based on the town's gossip, some external evidence, and our own research. 00;34;36;22 - 00;35;03;26 With these in hand, we believe that the barber or whatever is truly down in the caves. Killing people can be found, dealt with, and Loresely Cove can return to its normal, sleepy, cozy routine. These three theories are as such the legend, the fake, and the cover. The legend is actually two theories, but they basically amount to the same thing in version one. 00;35;03;26 - 00;35;23;25 The barber is real and is in fact the type of creature which needs to hibernate for long amounts of time. This affords it the ability to be active long enough ago to create the initial legend, and then absent for so long that the legend would fade into kitsch. Now the creature Loresely knows, as the barber has awakened and is hunting to sate its post hibernation hunger. 00;35;23;27 - 00;35;47;02 We've all been there. The second version is that the barber was actually never real, but some other creature has found its way into the caves beneath Loresely, claiming the tunnels as its new habitat. This happens from time to time. The tourists head down there to investigate. The creature defends its territory. This could help explain why the descriptions of the monster are really inconsistent with the town's mascot imagery. 00;35;47;04 - 00;36;18;00 Although mascots are generally a poor way to taxonomize. There is one other element to these theories that raise their profiles in our eyes John Calif Crusee, one of the three first victims wasn't from Loresely. He was from Bachtell a kingdom to the southwest, where he lived as a retiree with his husband. Before he retired, Mr. Calif Crusee was a senior secretary to the Bachtell Hunters Society, a group of adventurers known to coordinate raids on big game targets. 00;36;18;00 - 00;36;42;26 Sometimes in, shall we say, clandestined ways, according to his former employer. Mr. Calif Crusee was in Loresely on vacation. But it does beg the question why didn't he take his family? Why did he go alone? Perhaps a monster really was stirring beneath the sandy beaches and busy boardwalk. And Mr. Calif Crusee was there to do some informal reconnaissance. 00;36;42;26 - 00;37;11;05 But the fake theory is much less about a fabled monster and much more about normal everyday conspiracy. Let's say that you did not like that the lone group was changing Loresely Cove, and did not want to see the convention center built. You can't engage them directly. They have security in the praise of the Thane -- and well, it would lead to a lot of questions that you don't have answers for, but you could make Loresely itself seem less attractive. 00;37;11;05 - 00;37;38;07 The business venture would seem less opportune, and the best way to do that would be to poison the very thing that made it attractive to them in the first place the myth, the legend, the barber. So one night you and possibly some like minded coconspirators wait for a few tourists to make their way to a popular cave entrance and kill them in a way that would make it seem that the real killer was a massive beast residing in the caves. 00;37;38;09 - 00;37;57;07 Drastic for sure. We do not condone this, but you can't argue that it didn't throw Loresely Cove into chaos. So if this holds true, it means a few things. Luckily, there's no real monster in laws, Lee. Unless, of course, you count a potential cabal of murderous locals who would stop at nothing to maintain the status quo in their quiet community. 00;37;57;09 - 00;38;28;20 It's no secret that the L.O.A.M. Development Project polarized the population. But is that enough? I mean, enough to kill? I'm not sure. But given the choice between a mascot monster with razor sharp teeth or a secret pact of killer neighbors, I honestly feel like the teeth might be easier to deal with. So here we are. Finally, there is the cover theory, and due to planar libel laws, we need to select our words very carefully and apologize in advance to our shrewd reading between the lines investigators. 00;38;28;20 - 00;38;52;26 If this sounds confusing for our own indemnity, we need to just state certain loose facts and let you put the pieces together yourself. If one were to examine the public contract that the lone group articulated with Thane Shukla and the Loresely community, one would see a document developed through several iterative drafts. These were dense, really dense legalese about land use. 00;38;52;26 - 00;39;18;21 It's tricky. It began with version one A and ended with 22 R By the end of this process, very little was changing. Commas were shifted. Grammar was finalized for clarity, but between versions 22, Q and 22 R, A substantial portion was entered at the final hour by L.O.A.M. lone group, which concerned exactly one thing airspace and mineral rights. 00;39;18;23 - 00;40;02;02 We are in no way indicating that this was introduced late into the process as a measure to obfuscate anything. We cannot stress that enough, but this added section ensured that L.O.A.M. would have perpetual rights to anything above and below the construction area, current and uncovered in the future. We spoke to a commercial transmutation consultant who mentioned that clauses like this are fairly common in construction projects of this size, as they can protect the land developer in the case of unforeseen geologic instability, but usually this sort of thing is boilerplate language introduced in the first draft. 00;40;02;04 - 00;40;36;21 It is perhaps notable that this clause was allegedly entered in the final moments. And if all of that holds true, and we are absolutely legally speculating here, that clause would entitle L.O.A.M. to everything within the cave system, beneath the construction and surrounding acreage, which would consist of the caves beneath almost half of the town. This is made all the more curious because of Liam's choice to use an all golem workforce to handle construction, and now security. 00;40;36;24 - 00;41;13;25 In my experience, Golem and similar automata are very good at doing work and being quiet. But again, this all remains a legally protected speculation and absolutely nothing more. Dear investigator, it would seem that the quasi fictional monster beneath Loresely Cove is far less fictional than the mascots and tourist traps would have us infer, and whether that killer is the barber itself, or angry members of a coastal town, or something more conspiratorial altogether, we're just going to have to wait and see. 00;41;13;27 - 00;41;37;12 But there is one more thing to discuss a sad recent development just this past week. You will, of course, remember Mr. Palmer Urtecht, the second from whom we heard earlier in the episode, the tour guide, who claimed to have had a firsthand encounter with the barber and now offered similar tours to willing tourists and adventure seekers, according to sources at the lordly cove courier Mr. Urtecht. 00;41;37;12 - 00;42;05;01 The second body was recovered earlier this week, floating in the high tide of the inlet near the SillyBird Maw cave entrance. And when I say body, what I really mean is half a torso, two legs and that's it. Fished from the saltwater by L.O.A.M. security according to Loresely weather and waves prognosticator is likely that Mr. Urtecht’s body floated out from the flooded mouth of the cave entrance and back into the inlet as the tide rose. 00;42;05;04 - 00;42;33;20 It would seem that his new tour was unfortunately a far closer encounter with the barber than he had bargained for. So, dear investigator, if you find yourself near Loresely Cove and feel like taking a working vacation, we would urge you to abide by three pieces of advice. Be wary of the caves at low tide. Be careful with whom you confide, and, tempting as they are, know that the games on the boardwalk are almost certainly rigged. 00;42;33;22 - 00;43;00;06 I don't care how strong you think you are. I feel like those milk bottles are never coming down. Thank you for listening to tonight's episode of Alchemy Investigations, where we have spelunked into the living legend of the Loresely Barber and explored what forces are at work in Loresely Cove, some building it up, some tearing it down. The count remains for suspicious murders, three related fatalities, two confirmed disappearances and a score and a half of injured amateur sleuths. 00;43;00;08 - 00;43;25;12 The rocks are slick, the caves are dark and still from dawn to dusk. The new construction continues. But with this body count on the rise, who knows for how much longer? This has been Ichabod M. Groster for Alchemy Investigations. Farewell, investigators, and beware. 00;43;25;14 - 00;43;51;00 Alchemy Investigations is produced at Else Break Labs and is hosted by Ichabod M Groster. This episode and its related materials are released with absolutely no warranty nor support, and are distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution noncommercial share alike 4.0 international license. If you are interested in learning more about tonight's mystery or want to explore others, please click the link in the description or visit us at our website. 00;43;51;02 - 00;44;18;00 alchemyinvestigations.com. There, Ichabod will explain the resolution of this particular scenario and offer tips on how it might be run as a tabletop role playing game One-Shot, or as part of a larger campaign in your next game night. Tonight's story all names, characters, and incidents therein are works of fiction. No identification with actual persons, living or deceased places, structures, ideals and or products is intended, nor should be inferred. 00;44;18;03 - 00;44;59;25 Alchemy investigations is supremely thankful to our wide network of correspondents, correspondents like Brett Tower Bridge for his consultations in the realms of mineral rights and arcane construction, and Tilly Ak-Sun for providing their services as liaison to the Loresely Cove Courier's News Index Archive. And of course, thanks to you, dear investigators. Stay well and stay curious. This transcript may contain small inconsistencies. If you encounter one and would like to report it to be corrected in subsequent updates, please contact us at ichabodmgroster@gmail.com Alchemy Investigation and its related materials are offered with absolutely no warranty nor support and are distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution - NonCommercial - ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-NC-SA 4.0).